Out Of The Dark
by Cloud van Dyk
Summary: Haruka Tenoh: Racer and Alcoholic. Michiru Kaioh: Social Worker for the AA with a dark secret. What happens when those two different women meet? Chapter 10 up
1. Fights

Author's Note: After finishing More Than Sympathy - a story that is so sweet at parts that it nearly gave me cavity - I wanted to write something more angsty. This is the product that came out after I decided that I would write something that is scarier and has a more gruesome background, I hope you like it. 

Disclaimer: Haruka, Michiru and all other mentioned characters from Sailormoon are property of Naoko Takeuchi. All other original characters and the plot are mine.

Dedication: Dedicated to Victoria...keep rocking girl.

Out Of The Dark

Prologue: Fights

"Haruka, if only you would listen to me." Takeshi spoke, his voice sounding so desperate that it would have touched any person who had a heart. It didn't touch the blonde he was talking to though. "I told you to shut up." The said blonde named Haruka snarled, her fingers grabbing the neck of the whiskey bottle that stood in front of her harder. "I can't let you drive! Not again! I let you drive the last time although I knew better, and I can't take the risk again!" Takeshi suddenly yelled at her, his anger overtaking him. "Do you get that, Haruka? _I will not let you drive!" _He just took in a deep breath to continue his yelling when suddenly the whiskey bottle came flying towards him. The breath he had been sucking in shot out of his lungs again in form of a small, shocked squeak, and somehow he managed to duck just in time. The bottle sailed over his head and smashed against the wall behind him, shattering, splinters of glass flying everywhere while the whiskey ran down the wall in thin, brown rivers, the smell of it filling the room. "You will let me drive." Haruka now spoke, her voice low and dangerously calm. "Will you let me drive, Takeshi?" Slowly, Takeshi nodded, his fear getting the better of him. He knew that he had had more than a lot of luck when he had managed to duck before the bottle smashed against his head, and he knew what Haruka could do to him. He hadn't forgotten about what happened to Keiichi yet - poor Keiichi who still was in the hospital, three weeks after he had made a witty comment about Harukas drinking habits. Of course, nobody else knew that it had been Haruka who had nearly beaten him to death - and officially he didn't know either. Haruka never had told him, and he never had asked her, but he had seen the look in her eyes when she had read about the mysterious attack on her fellow racer colleague. And he had seen the wounds on her knuckles that just had started to close over that day. "I will let you drive." He softly spoke, and slowly, a grin spread out on Harukas face. As always, the grin didn't reach her eyes; they stayed cold and hard. "Under one condition." Takeshi now added, raising his index finger while Harukas smile slowly faded away again. "A condition, eh?" the blonde repeated, her eyes drilling holes into Takeshi's head. "Yes." The elder man replied, speaking slowly, hoping that Haruka wouldn't explode on him again. "The condition is that you visit the meetings of the Alcoholics Anonymous. And not just once, but every week, until you don't drink anymore." Haruka let out a short, bitter laugh and shook her head. "Never." She then replied, crossing her arms over her chest. "Then I will make sure that you won't race anymore. Not today, not next week. Never again." Takeshi promised, trying to make his voice sound as hard as possible. Haruka looked at him in silence for a few moments, realizing that he was serious. "I can make sure of that." The chief mechanic continued, holding the blondes gaze with his. "I just have to tell the manager about the bottles of whiskey you empty every day. And there's still that incident with Keiichi." "You have no proof that it was me!" Haruka shot out, not caring if she practically admitted her fault by saying that or not. "I don't need proof. I know that it was you, Haruka, and Keiichi will probably tell that it was you too if he gets the feeling that you won't kill him after he told." Takeshi calmly replied, though inside, he was shaking with fear. Fear that he might be the next who ended up in hospital. Instead of attacking him though, Haruka looked away for a few moments, before she spit out. "Fine. I'll go to the fucking meetings if it makes you happy." Takeshi couldn't quite hide his surprise, but he nodded, glad that Haruka had accepted the condition he had put up. He wished her the best of luck and left the room she owned at the race track, closing the door behind him. Haruka stayed where she was, staring down at the sad remains of what had been a half filled whiskey bottle only half an hour ago. Deep inside, she wondered why she had accepted the condition her chief mechanic had put up; but even deeper, she knew why. She had accepted it because she knew that driving was the only thing that made her happy. If she wouldn't be able to drive anymore, she probably just would drink herself to death.she let out a small sigh and tore her eyes away from the broken bottle and the whiskey that still ran down the wall. A thought came up in her brain, but she quickly forced it away again, knowing that she didn't want to hear it; it didn't stay away though, it came back. _Driving isn't just the only thing that keeps you happy.it's the only thing that keeps you from losing your sanity, and you know it. _Letting out another heavy sigh, Haruka shrugged to herself and left the room too, slamming the door close behind her. 


	2. Realizations

Chapter 1: Realizations

Haruka put the trophy she had won up on the shelf where she had the others - a new one was added to it every second week, and she probably would have to get a second shelf soon. While she looked at the golden trophies that stood lined up like soldiers, she remembered what Takeshi had made her promise in exchange for letting her drive. "Alcoholics Anonymous, my ass." She mumbled to herself, longingly looking at the other shelf she had in the room - the one that held the bottles. Deep inside, Haruka _knew _that she should stop drinking, she knew that it would kill her if she didn't.but she couldn't. _If I stop, I won't be able to forget anymore. _She thought to herself, slowly walking over to what she called the relief shelf while she did. _And I'd rather die then remember. _As if on cue, a deep, male voice spoke up in her mind, sending cold chills down her spine. _Come up here, Ruka. I want to talk to you. I want to talk to you while you are very close to me. _"No." Haruka groaned out, nearly staggering the last meters that still were between her and the shelf. She grabbed the next best bottle, quickly unscrewed the lid and took a deep gulp directly out of the bottle, not bothering to use a glass. The alcohol drowned the voice, making it shut up, but Haruka knew that it wasn't enough yet. She sat down on her black leather couch, turned on the TV and kept drinking until the bottle was halfway empty and she was more hanging on the couch then sitting. With the slow, insecure moves of a person that was heavily drunk, Haruka placed the bottle on the small desk that stood in front of the desk, then sank back in the cushion of the couch. Moments later, she was fast asleep, snoring slightly while her dreams were kept away by the amount of alcohol that rushed through her blood.

When Haruka awoke again, her head hurt as if somebody was hitting glowing nails into her brain, and her stomach felt as if it was filled with acid. No, not just filled; it felt as if it was close to bursting, spilling the acid all over the insides of her stomach and killing her. Haruka knew that _that _was very unlikely to happen, but still.she let out a sour burp, and suddenly the blonde jumped up and ran through the room, out of the door and over to the next. She threw it open and fell to her knees in front of the toilet just in time when the contents of her stomach spilled out of her mouth. A part of her brain thanked God for the fact that the toilet lid had been open; if it would have been closed, there would have been hell to clean afterwards. _I can't take this no more. _Haruka thought to herself while her sweaty face sank against the pleasantly cool toilet seat, her eyes squeezed shut. _I can't take it to wake up every day and puke. It has to stop. _She coughed one last time, knowing that the puking was over - her stomach was simply too empty now. Slowly, Haruka came to her feet, and staggered over to the washbasin that was mounted to the wall of the bathroom. Her eyes fell on the mirror that hung over it, and she hated what she saw - a pale, sweaty face, the dark rings underneath her eyes standing out sharply, framed by also sweaty blonde hair. "It has to stop." She spoke to her mirror self, her hands gripping the washbasin for support while she did. _It can't stop! _A hysterical voice screamed in her mind, a voice that didn't sound like the adult Haruka - it sounded like Haruka had when she had been fourteen. _If it stops, the memories will come back! _He _will come back! Don't you know that? _"I know!" Haruka screamed out, smashing one fist against the washbasin so hard that the porcelain started to shake. "I know, but _I can't take this anymore!" _Slowly, the blonde sank to her knees, tears collecting in the corners of her eyes. Her chest rose and fell heavily, and a strangled sob freed itself from her throat. Then, she cried, cried like she hadn't done for a long time. It all came tumbling down on her, like a ton of bricks; the fact that she _was _an alcoholic, an alcoholic that nobody really liked anyway. At this moment, kneeling on the tiled floor of her bathroom, Haruka felt as lonely as she never had before, not even during the worst times of her life. She kept crying, and while her tears fell down on the white tiles, she made an important decision, maybe the most important one ever since she had decided to move out of her parents'. She would go to the next AA meeting, and not just because Takeshi had made her promise that she would. She would go because she needed help. 

Later that day - when her stomach had calmed down enough to allow her eating a small breakfast and drink a cup of coffee - Haruka sat in front of her phone, looking at it as if it would grow teeth and bite her hand when she decided to take off the receiver. Finally, after almost ten minutes of staring at the phone, Haruka slowly reached out and picked the receiver up. It didn't bite her, like she somehow had expected - if you woke up with a hangover as bad as hers, _everything _was possible - and the blonde started to dial the number of Takeshi. She knew that her chief mechanic probably wasn't too fond of hearing to her, not after how she had treated him the day before. After three rings, the phone on the other side of the line was answered. "Hello?" the voice that spoke was female, and Haruka quickly racked her brain for the name of  Takeshi's wife. "Hi, Nami." She spoke as soon as it had come to her. "It's Haruka.is Takeshi home?" "Yes, wait a second. I'll get him." Nami's voice was cold, and Haruka closed her eyes, an unpleasant thought dawning up in her brain. _Yet another one to add to the "People who can't stand the walking ass Haruka" list. _"Thanks." She softly spoke, while Nami mumbled something inaudible in reply. The phone stayed silent for a few minutes then; Haruka was close to hanging up again when Takeshi's voice came through the receiver, causing her to flinch. That was another nice side effect of hangovers; when they were really bad, you even were scared of your own shadow at times. "Haruka, what do you want?" the mechanic asked, his voice not all too friendly. "It won't take long." Haruka replied, her voice still sounding awfully defeated. "I just.I just need a phone number from you." She didn't know why she thought that Takeshi maybe had the number she wanted, but for some reason, she was sure about it. "Oh? And which number would that be?" Takeshi replied, impatience in his voice. Haruka took a deep breath before she answered, and when he heard her words, Takeshi could feel how his heart started to beat faster. "I need the phone number of the AA, Takeshi." 


	3. A Helping Call

Chapter 2: A Helping Call

„…are you serious?" Takeshi asked after a few moments of silence – silence that had felt like an eternity to Haruka. "Yes." The blonde racer replied, hating herself when she heard the sound of her voice – small and helpless, and slightly shaking, as if she was about to cry again. She ran the back of one hand over her eyes, and when it was slightly wet afterwards, she wasn't really surprised. "Yes, Takeshi, I am serious…I need help, and I…I…" Her voice broke, and on the other end of the line, Takeshi closed his eyes for a second. He never really had liked Haruka much, although he had tried, in the beginning, when she had been the newest member of his racing team. Thanks to her behaviour though, he had given up on trying pretty fast and just put up with her because she still was a great racer, no matter how much she had been drinking. She even won the races when she was dead drunk. Although he had been annoyed when his wife had told him that Haruka was on the phone, he now felt sorry for her…she sounded as if she really needed help. "Calm down, Haruka." He now gently spoke, hoping that this would help a little. A suspicious sound came through the phone in reply, and it took Takeshi a while to realize that it had been a sob. "Calm down." He repeated, hoping that his voice was soothing enough. "I'll get the number and call you back, okay? Give me five, no, better ten minutes. Okay?" "Okay." Haruka whispered in reply, her voice showing the tears that ran down her cheeks. "Okay." Takeshi repeated, as if this was some magic word. "Okay. I will hang up now, and you will do the same. And in ten minutes, I will call you and give you the number." "Okay." Haruka agreed. Takeshi hung up the phone like he had said, and Haruka did the same. Then, for the next ten minutes, the blonde just kept sitting on the ground next to the phone, trying to make the tears stop before Takeshi called back. When the ten minutes had passed, she had succeeded, but the phone stayed silent. Worried, Haruka looked up to it, as if she could make it ring with sheer willpower. Another five minutes passed, and with every second, Haruka could feel her heart sink. Takeshi wouldn't call back; why should he? She was just an alcoholic who was mean to everyone, and who had thrown a whiskey bottle after him, so why should he be interested in…the phone rang, and Haruka nearly jumped to her feet. She quickly picked up the receiver, answering the call with a desperate "Takeshi?" "Yes, it's me." Takeshi's voice came, and Haruka had to keep herself from letting out a relieved sigh. "Sorry it took me so long, but I couldn't remember where I put the phone number." The mechanic apologized. "It's okay." Haruka replied, glad that he had called at all. "Glad to hear that you aren't angered." Takeshi said in answer to that before he came back to the more important things. "Do you have something to write?" Haruka assured him that she did, and he seemed satisfied when he spoke on: "Good. So listen, the number is…" Haruka quickly wrote it down while he read it to her, then repeated it to make sure that she had the right numbers. After Takeshi had confirmed that, she said her thanks to him, and, after a short moment of silence, stammered out an apologize for her behaviour the day before. "It will be okay…if you go to the meetings from now on." Takeshi replied after he had heard her "I'm sorry". "If you don't go – and I will find out if you don't – I will have to kick you off the team." "I know." Haruka softly replied. "And I will go. Thanks again, Takeshi." After that, the two said their goodbyes to each other, and both hung up the phone – Haruka feeling a little better now that she knew where she could get help, and Takeshi hoping that the blonde would keep her promise. His threat that he would have to kick her off the team probably was enough to make her go to the meetings, but he knew that they wouldn't help if Haruka didn't _accept _the help they offered. He let out a small sigh and picked up the receiver of the phone again, calling the person that what his contact to the AA – a young social worker named Michiru Kaioh.

Haruka sat in her living room almost for one hour, staring down at the small sheet of paper where she had noted down the number Takeshi had given her. She didn't know if she really should call that number; her eyes kept wandering back and forth between the paper and the half full bottle of whisky that stood on the living room desk. Then, the voice came up in her mind again. _Come up here, Ruka. I want to talk to you. I want to talk to you while you are very close to me. _Haruka let out a small, desperate groan, burying her face in her hands. Normally, when the voice came up, she would get a bottle and drink until she either passed out or until she had to throw up. Or both. But this time, she decided, she wouldn't. Slowly, the blonde picked up the receiver of her phone and dialled the number that Takeshi had given her. Only two rings later, she could hear the clicking sound that always came up when the phone was answered, and seconds later, a female, very melodic voice drifted through the line: "Kaioh?" "Hello." Haruka softly spoke, not really knowing what to say. "I…my name is Haruka Tenoh, and I'm calling because of the AA meetings…my mechanic Takeshi gave me this number, and…" She realized that she was babbling and forced herself to shut up. "I know why you are calling." The woman on the other end of the line – whose last name was Kaioh, that was all Haruka knew about her, but she liked the voice already – replied, her voice as gentle as if she was speaking to someone she knew for years. "Takeshi called me an hour ago, and I've been waiting for your call ever since then." "Sorry it took me so long." Haruka apologized, honestly meaning it. "I…had some inner conflict to master before I could call." "I know." The Kaioh woman replied, making Haruka wonder how she could know. As if the woman could read her thoughts, she explained: "That's what most alcoholics go through before they call me. And you are an alcoholic, right?" Haruka just opened her mouth to snap at the woman, who was stupid enough to say something like that to _her, _to Haruka Tenoh, the great racer who…then she realized that she was right. "Yes." She softly admitted, swallowing the thick lump that suddenly was in her throat. "Yes, I am." "Admitting it is the first step you need to take if you want to change that." Kaioh replied immediately, and Haruka knew why she had been so blunt – it was necessary to make her admit it not only to herself, since she already had done that, but also to someone else. And the fact that the person she had admitted it to was a complete stranger to her probably made it even better. "Our next meeting takes place on Friday, at five pm, in my house. I will give you my address, and I'd be happy to see you on Friday." "I'll be there." Haruka promised before writing the address down the woman gave her. "Great. So see you on Friday." Kaioh replied, and Haruka could almost hear the smile in her voice. "See you on Friday." She softly answered before hanging up the phone and staring at the calendar that hung at her wall. _Today it's Wednesday…that means three days of staying sober. _Suddenly, a bitter laugh escaped her throat. _Three days? A whole fucking life. _That realization sent an ice cold shiver down her spine, and she leaned back in her couch, staring up at the ceiling – wondering if she had made the right decision. 


	4. Staying Sober

Chapter 3: Staying Sober 

The next three days were the worst Haruka ever had gone through. She awoke on Thursday morning with a dry mouth and a body that literally screamed for alcohol. Every single fibre of herself seemed to beg for whiskey, almost paining her physically. Slowly, Haruka got out of bed, somehow making her way over into the kitchen without jumping into the living room and grabbing the bottle that still stood on the desk. _I have to get rid of the alcohol I have here. _Haruka thought to herself while she tried to make coffee. She _tried_; her hands were shaking so much that she couldn't take the coffee pot she wanted to fill with water, since she feared that it simply would slide out of her fingers and fall to the floor and break. Letting out a helpless sigh, Haruka sat down at the kitchen table, hoping that the shaking of her hands would stop when she just was awake long enough. She sat there for almost forty-five minutes, but the shaking continued; it just got a little bit weaker, but it didn't stop completely. Haruka waited for another fifteen minutes until she finally dared to take the coffee pot and fill water into it. In spite of the shaking of her hands, she managed to fill the water into the coffee machine and also ready everything else that was needed before she pushed the button. The coffee machine started it's work, and while the coffee started to drop into the pot, Haruka walked over into the living room. She collected the seven bottles that stood on her alcohol shelf, as well as the half full one from the living room table, and walked back into the kitchen, lining the alcohol bottles up next to the sink as if they were soldiers. Letting out a small sigh, she grabbed the first one – a fine bottle of Johnny Walker – and unscrewed the lid. She turned her head away from the sink while she held the bottle over it and let it's content run into the drain, partly because she didn't want to watch – and partly because she was afraid that the smell of the alcohol would be enough to make her stop and drink the content of what was inside the bottle instead of throwing it away. She did the same with the other six bottles, her heart aching more with everyone that was empty and  fell into the trashcan. By the time she was done and had the alcohol washed down by turning the water on and letting it run for almost two minutes, hoping that it would flush the smell away, the coffee was ready and waiting for her to drink it. Haruka threw the last one of the bottles into the trashcan, deciding that she would take it down to the big trash container in the cellar as soon as possible – she didn't want to look at the remains of what was left of her addiction too long. As soon as she was done with the alcohol, she got herself a plain white cup and filled it with coffee, drinking it like it was – black and without sugar. Her mother always had called that Macho-Coffee, Haruka remembered with a smile. Then, another memory came up – the memory that her father also had been drinking his coffee like this, and suddenly, Haruka didn't want it to be Macho-Coffee anymore. She walked over to the fridge and opened it to get some milk for the coffee, and when she saw what was inside, her blood froze and her eyes widened. Standing in the first compartment of the three the fridge had, just right to be on eye-level for Haruka, were three beer cans. _Take them! _The teenager voice inside her head screamed. _Take them, and drink them empty! And then go and buy new whiskey! And drink that too! Make yourself forget again, for Heaven's Sake, before you remember too much! _Haruka bit her lower lip and reached into the fridge, taking the three beer cans out. She slowly carried them over to the sink, ignoring the protests of her own mind while she tore the first can open and started to empty it into the drain. She didn't notice that she was biting her lip so hard that it started to bleed while she did – and she also didn't notice that she was crying while the beer ran into the sink and vanished.

"I'm really worried about her by now." Takeshi softly spoke, looking at the woman who sat in front of him – Michiru Kaioh, the social worker who hopefully would be able to help Haruka with her alcohol problem. "I have to admit that I didn't like her much until yesterday, but when I heard her at the phone…God, Michiru, she sounded so desperate." "She probably realized that she really has a problem when it comes to her drinking habits." Michiru softly replied, leaning back in her chair and folding her hands together like she always did when she talked about one of the people who were part of her program – or would become a part of it when it came to Haruka. "She was crying." Takeshi now added, disbelief filling his voice. "I never thought that she actually was _able _to cry, but I swear that she did yesterday." Michiru nodded, looking up at the ceiling deep in thought for a few moments before returning her gaze to the mechanic who sat in front of her. "I've seen tougher and harder people than her cry." She spoke, her voice a little louder than before, but still pretty soft. "You wouldn't believe me when I told you, but I assure that I speak the truth…I even saw men cry who looked as if they could challenge Mike Tyson, and win. Sometimes they cry like babies, and when there's no one to comfort them, they often start drinking again." "I tried to calm her down." Takeshi immediately spoke, as if he tried to justify himself. "And that's good. But she will need more than calming words over the phone when the real withdrawal starts. Do you know if she has a boyfriend, or family?" Takeshi chuckled a while before he replied: "You have to say girlfriend, and no, she doesn't have one as far as I know. With her aggression potential, it's probably better that way. And family…she surely has one, but she never talked about them. I don't think that she's in contact with them." Michiru frowned, obviously not too happy with what she heard. "That's not something I appreciate, Takeshi…it will be twice as hard for her if she's alone all the time." Takeshi sighed and nodded. "Probably, yeah. But I don't know who could have enough guts to put up with her…she has no problem with being violent, and withdrawal might make her even worse. I pity everyone who's around her when she gets into her mood." Michirus frown deepened, and she replied: "I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't tell me such things about her. I'd like to get to know her myself without any thoughts about her in the back of my mind." "Oh, okay, sorry." Takeshi quickly apologized. Michiru smiled at him and rose from her chair. "It's okay, Takeshi…but now I need to get going. I just had a good idea." "A good idea?" Takeshi repeated, suddenly getting the feeling that he would hear something he absolutely not wanted to hear at all. "I'll pay our newest member a visit." Michiru announced before looking at the shocked mechanic again. "Care to give me Haruka's address?" 


	5. Surprise Visit

Chapter 4: Surprise Visit

„Are you sure that this is a good idea?" Takeshi asked probably for the millionth time while Michiru unlocked the car she drove – a small blue Mitsubishi Colt – and nodded at him, also for the millionth time. "Yes, Takeshi…Haruka should know that she isn't alone with her situation and that there are other people like her." "She will find out early enough on Friday." Takeshi pointed out, but Michiru just shook her head. "Experience showed me that the days before the first meeting are the hardest." She softly spoke. "Haruka has to stay sober until then, and she has to stay sober afterwards…but most people who want to be part of the program get drunk again before their first meeting and never join us. And I want to keep this from happening to Haruka. From what you told me about her, she really needs help, and I assume that she wants it…but she will need someone to guide her too, and that person will be me." Takeshi let out a sigh and finally nodded. "Fine…I guess I can't keep you from driving over to her anyway. But just let me warn you…her aggression potential is very high, so try not to anger her. She might hit you faster than you can blink." "I'll be careful." Michiru replied while opening her car door. "But I don't think that it will come to her hitting me. I'll call you, Takeshi." Takeshi agreed on that and watched how the aqua haired woman got into her car and drove off, into the direction where Harukas apartment was. He let out another heavy sigh, shook his head once more – still thinking that it wasn't a good idea – before he got into his own car and drove off, towards his own home.

Haruka sat in her living room, staring through the TV and trying to get her mind off the alcohol that she had gotten rid off. Her eyes kept wandering from the screen of her TV over to the shelf that had contained her bottles; now, it looked all empty and somehow…wrong. _The stores are still open. _The teenager voice of her own mind spoke, trying to sound convincing. _Get moving and buy a bottle. Or, even better, buy ten. And then drink until you pass out. Fuck the meetings, and fuck Takeshi. If he kicks you out of the team, there are enough others who will be more than glad to let you drive for them. _Haruka knew that she could do what her mind suggested; it was one of the easiest things in the world. She just had to get out of the apartment, walk not even two hundred meters to the next supermarket, and there she could buy all the alcohol she needed. Whiskey, wine, beer, brandy, gin, all kinds of booze…and then she could drink again. Wash the memories away and feel good…_and tomorrow? _Her own voice asked inside her head, this time not sounding like a teenager, but sounding like she did now, as an adult. _And what will be tomorrow, Haruka? You will wake up with a hangover again, and will puke out your guts again. I thought we are through with that. _"But I want it so badly…" Haruka weakly replied, leaning her head back and looking up at the ceiling. _No one said that stopping it would be easy. _Her own voice replied, sounding surprisingly gentle. _You knew that it would be hard, but you shouldn't give up. If you give up and drink yourself to death before you turn forty, he won. _"Don't mention him!" Haruka immediately snapped. She fought the male voice down before it could say too much and clenched her fists. "Don't mention him." She repeated, weaker and softer this time. _Okay, I won't if it makes you happy. But please, Haruka…don't give up. You're killing yourself, and you know it. _Finally, Haruka nodded, closing her eyes. "You're right." She softly spoke while she came to her feet. "I do need to go shopping…but I won't buy booze." _Good. I'll believe that for now. But I swear, Haruka…if you only get too close to the booze aisle of the market, I will make sure that he comes up in your mind. You know I can do that. _Harukas face paled visibly at the thought of what her own mind threatened to do to her. "Okay." She weakly spoke, her voice shaking as if she was close to crying again. This was another wonderful side effect of the withdrawal the blonde had to go through; to her, it seemed that it was enough to look at her angered to make her cry right now. Slowly, the blonde rose from her couch, forcing the tears away that stung in her eyes again, and walked over to the door. She just reached out to turn the knob and open it when suddenly the doorbell rang. Haruka could feel how her heart skipped a beat, and her stomach fell down to her knees. _He's here! He's here!! _Her mind screamed while a strange, small noise freed itself from her throat; it probably should have been a scream, but only came out as a desperate wheeze. To her own horror, Haruka grabbed the doorknob and turned it to open the door. 

Michiru had to pull all of her strength together when the door opened and her eyes fell on the woman that stood in the doorframe. The blondes face was deadly pale, almost as white as a bed sheet; the only colour in her face came from her bloodshot eyes and the dark rings underneath them. _She looks as if she's just seen a ghost. Or maybe still is seeing one. _Michiru thought to herself while she forced a smile on her face that hopefully didn't look too faked. "Haruka, right?" she spoke, while the blonde just stared at her for a few moments until she slowly nodded. "Yes." She softly spoke, and her voice shocked Michiru even more than the way she looked. It was clear that she wasn't even thirty yet, probably something around 26, 27, but her voice…she sounded as if she would turn fifty the next week. "I'm Michiru Kaioh. We talked over the phone yesterday." Michiru now explained, hoping that this would calm the blonde down a little. For some reason, Haruka still looked scared; the hand that laid on the doorframe was shaking, and her eyes kept darting back and forth between Michirus face and the elevator behind the aqua haired woman. "Oh." Haruka now spoke, not sounding too intelligent. "I see. Well…you want to come in?" She stepped aside, and Michiru smiled at her and nodded before she entered the apartment. Haruka quickly closed the door behind her – not after looking one last time at the elevator though, Michiru noticed – and locked it. Then, the blonde turned to look at her surprise guest and asked: "What do you want?" 


	6. Lies And Confessions

Chapter 5: Lies And Confessions

Haruka asked Michiru to sit down in the living room, the aqua haired woman accepting gladly, while she made her way into the kitchen and opened the fridge. "Do you want something to drink?" the blonde called over to where Michiru sat, giving her best to sound as normal and calm as possible. It was hard for her to keep the shaking out of her voice. "No, thanks." Michiru replied politely, but what she said next wasn't so respectfully. "Do you?" Harukas hand, which had been reaching for a can of coke, froze in mid-air. The blonde turned her head to look at her guest, her eyes filled with anger for a few seconds…before the anger vanished and was replaced with dull shame. "Yes." She admitted while taking the can out of the fridge and tearing it open, taking a big gulp from it before kicking the freezer's door close and walking over into the living room where Michiru sat on the couch, letting herself fall into one of the chairs and looking at the aqua haired social worker. "I'm not just wanting a drink, I'm craving for one." Michiru nodded, as if she knew what Haruka meant with that, folding her hands in her lap. "This craving, like you call it, will be over soon, Haruka. Then it will get easier for you with every day you pass…if you don't drink anymore that is. No alcohol at all, not even beer or champagne. A single glass will be enough to throw back into the life you were living until you decided to stop drinking." "Why are you telling me all of this?" Haruka asked bluntly, taking another sip from her coke, silently wishing that it was mixed with whiskey. "Because you are what I call a Special Case, Haruka." Michiru answered, leaning back into the cushion of the couch. "A Special Case, eh?" Haruka repeated, crossing her arms in front of her chest. "How come?" "You are in more danger of having a relapse than the other people who are part of our program." Michiru explained, holding the blondes gaze with her own. It was the first time that she noticed how beautiful Harukas eyes were. They were of a rich, teal colour, and although all about Haruka – her body language, her voice and her movements – seemed to show a beaten, defeated woman, her eyes told something else. _They_ said that Haruka still was tough and strong, no matter how miserable she felt or how hard things would get. The blondes eyes told Michiru that the person opposite of her didn't give up, no matter what crossed her path. "Why?" Haruka now asked, leaning forward – probably her way of showing interest, the social worker decided. "Because you are lonely." Michiru softly replied, and suddenly the strong expression vanished from Harukas eyes, only to be replaced with something that looked like shock. "Lonely?" she stammered out, staring at the aqua haired woman with disbelief. "Yes, lonely." Michiru repeated, already feeling sorry for Haruka. She knew what she had to do next – show the woman _how _friendless she actually was – but she also knew that it was another step in the program, and therefore necessary. "Think about it, Haruka. How many close friends do you have?" Haruka opened her mouth to answer, then closed it again after a few moments. She racked her brain to come up with the name of someone she would call a close friend, but nothing came out. "None." She finally softly replied, her gaze falling away from the aqua haired woman's face and on the carpet. "A girlfriend?" Michiru now asked, making Haruka wonder for one second how on earth the woman had found out that she was gay – before the answer became clear to her. Of course Takeshi had told her. She silently shook her head, suddenly finding herself unable to talk – the thick lump that seemed to appear in her throat more and more was there again. _Please, God, don't make her ask about my family. _She suddenly thought to herself, her heart clenching itself together at the sheer thought of talking about what other people called family, but she only called "a bunch of dickheads". But of course, Michiru asked. "And family?" "I don't have a family. They died." Haruka mumbled, not looking up. Michiru immediately knew that the blonde was lying; she _wanted _her to believe that her family was dead, but for some reason the aqua haired woman was convinced that this wasn't the truth. During the years she had worked for the AA, she had met a lot of people who had tried to lie to her, and by now, she had some kind of sixth sense when it came to feeling if somebody was telling the truth or not. She decided that she wouldn't confront Haruka about her lie though; the time for asking about her family again would come, but not yet. "You're right." Haruka now softly spoke, making the aqua haired woman snap out of her thoughts and look at the blonde again. "I'm lonely…I never realized how much." Slowly, Michiru reached out and gently took one of Harukas hands into hers. The blonde flinched visibly at the contact, her eyes not just looking up – they _shot _up, filled with so much fear that Michiru nearly shrank back from her. _She looks as if I'm about to hit her. _The aqua haired woman thought to herself  _Maybe she _was _hit a lot when she was younger. Maybe that's why she lies about her family and says that they are dead. _The voice Michiru always called her "Sherlock-Holmes-Voice" spoke up, making Michiru wonder if this could be the reason for all of this – for Harukas drinking habits as well as for the scared look in her eyes. "I won't hurt you." she now softly spoke, saying the words not just because she had planned to do so, but more likely out of a strange impulse. The scared look vanished from Harukas eyes – not completely, but at least she didn't look like a deer caught in the headlights of an approaching car anymore. The slight fear that still was there though vanished within two seconds, only to be replaced with the usual hardness. "I never thought you would." Haruka replied, harshly pulling her hand out of Michirus grasp. _And that's the second lie for today. _The Sherlock-Holmes-Voice spoke in Michirus mind. _For one second, she was sure that you would, and she knows that you know. _"Good." The aqua haired woman replied, knowing that if she would confront Haruka with the fact that she had lied to her now, she would be lost forever – and not just for the program. The blonde had to trust her first, then they both could think about the best way to get her away from the booze. "What I want to know, Haruka…do you have any alcohol here? In your apartment?" Haruka shook her head, with Michiru knowing that she wasn't lying this time. "No. I got rid of all of it earlier today." She replied, letting out a small sigh afterwards. "And right now, I wish I wouldn't have done that. I never needed a drink more than now." She admitted, looking away from Michirus face again and down on her feet. "I know, Haruka. But you'll get over that want…I'm sure you will." Haruka let out a small snort and looked back up to the social worker again. "How would you know? You have no clue of how hard it is to wake up with your hands shaking like crazy and with your body practically screaming for whiskey." She replied harshly. Michiru just looked at her calmly for a few moments before she replied, and what she said was the first thing that touched Haruka. "Oh yes, I do have a clue, Haruka. I was an alcoholic myself five years ago." 


	7. Revelations

Chapter 6: Revelations

„You…you were an alcoholic?" Haruka stammered, disbelief in her voice and eyes. Michiru nodded, her face calm, but still showing that she wasn't proud about what she had been. "But…why?" Haruka asked, still sounding quite astonished. "Why are you drinking?" Michiru asked in return, although she already knew what the answer would be. It was almost always the same. "Because I want to forget." Haruka replied softly, this time not looking down though. Her eyes kept looking into those of the social worker, and this was something that surprised Michiru. Most of the alcoholics she knew couldn't look into the eyes of other people when they confessed why they were drinking. "Want to forget what?" the aqua haired woman now asked, hoping that it wasn't too early. Haruka looked away, and Michiru knew that she _had _been too early. She was grateful when the blonde's eyes returned to hers again; it showed that Haruka hadn't completely pulled back and shut herself in. "I'd rather not talk about it." The blonde now softly spoke, and Michiru nodded. "That's okay, Haruka…will you tell me when you are ready to?" For a few moments, Haruka didn't react, then she nodded – slowly, reluctantly, but it was a nod. "Yes. Maybe I will some day…but I can't tell you when." Michiru agreed on that too, knowing that she had to treat Haruka like a breakable glass figure in this early stadium of changing her drinking habits. If she pushed her too hard, her will just would break – and slip back into the world of alcoholics, where hangovers were a necessary evil that had to be accepted in exchange for the bless of forgetting. "I can tell you why I was drinking if you want to know." The aqua haired woman offered – also being aware of the fact that telling Haruka something that personal would make the blonde trust her faster. The racer nodded, leaning forward in her seat again. Michiru took in a deep breath – it still was hard to talk about it, although it had happened five years ago – and softly spoke: "I was raped. By someone I trusted." Haruka stayed silent for a few moments, then asked: "Your…your father?" Michiru shook her head, slightly wondering why Haruka would think that it had been her father who had done this horrid thing to her. Then, something in her brain clicked, and she knew why, although her face stayed as calm as it had been just a minute before. _She thinks that it was my father because it was hers who did those things to her that make her drink. Things that she wants to forget. It doesn't mean that he raped her, but there are other crimes that can be done to a young child. Or a teenager. _"No", she slowly spoke while her brain was working with high speed. "No, not my father. The man who was my boyfriend at that time. We had been dating for about a month when he wanted to…you know. I didn't want to, and so he just forced me to." She looked into Harukas eyes again, showing her that she meant every word that followed. "It wouldn't have been bad enough to send me into alcoholism. The thing that made me want to forget everything that had happened that day was the fact that he called his friends after he was done and invited them over. There were three of them, and he allowed them to do the same thing to me he did too." "Oh my God." Haruka whispered, her eyes wide with shock and disbelief. Michiru knew that the disbelief didn't mean that Haruka didn't believe _her _what she was telling; it meant that she couldn't believe that there were actually human beings who could be as cruel as the man Michiru had been dating six years ago. "You mean…he called them, they came to his place and he let _all of them rape you?" _Michiru nodded, her face still calm – except for her eyes. Her eyes showed a small part of the fear, the pain and the humiliation she had been going through when this cruelty had been done to her, and Haruka noticed it. "After they were done with me, they let me get dressed and sent me away. As soon as I was home, I got drunk. And I was drunk for the next year, almost all of the time…until I realized that something had to change, and that alcohol wouldn't solve my problem. I started going to the AA meetings, and ever since then I've been sober. For four long, hard years…and more hard years are coming towards me. Years with nightmares, the desire to drink again…but I think that I'm strong enough to stay sober." After that, the two women both sat in silence for a while, before Haruka spoke up again, her voice small and shaking – like it was so often these days. "I don't know if I am." She softly admitted, her eyes once more leaving the face of Michiru and studying her feet. "I don't know if I'm strong enough to go through years of nightmares and remembering what…what happened when I was younger." "This is what we are here for." Michiru gently replied, once more trying to take Harukas hand into hers – and this time the blonde let it happen without pulling back. "We are here to help you, and to make you strong enough. Especially me. From the moment on Takeshi called me and told me about you, I was responsible for you, Haruka, and if you start to drink again, it's not just your own fault, it's mine too. Because it will show that I didn't do my job well enough, and that I wasn't there for you all the times you needed me to." She gently squeezed Harukas hand, making her look at her again. "I want you to remember one thing, Haruka…as soon as I'm out of your apartment, you can call me anytime you need someone to talk to. No matter how early or how late or whatever it is, no matter if it's during the week or on the weekend. You can call me anytime you need me, okay?" Haruka nodded, a slight smile raising the corners of her mouth – the first smile the blonde gave her ever since she had come here, Michiru realized slightly surprised. "Okay…thanks." The racer spoke before she rose from the chair she had been sitting on. "Talking about needs…I need another coke now. Want one too this time?" Michiru smiled back and replied: "It indeed would be nice after all that talking. I hope it's cold." Haruka nodded before hurrying off into the kitchen, opening the fridge and taking two cans of coke out. She tore them both open before returning into the living room and handing Michiru hers. "Here. It's not diet coke, I hope you like it anyway." "I hate diet coke." Michiru promptly replied, earning another smile from the blonde before she took a sip from her coke. After another half an hour of talking – this time innocent small talk and no dramatic or tragic revelations – the aqua haired woman let out a small sigh and told Haruka that she really had to leave now, otherwise she would be too late for the meeting her boss intended to hold with her. "It's no problem." Haruka replied, standing up to let the social worker out. "I will see you on Friday then…" she trailed off, and Michiru knew that something else would follow soon. She had been right; after a short pause, Haruka continued. "And I'll probably call you until then." "Okay. Talk to you later then." Michiru smiled at the blonde before saying her goodbye and leaving the apartment. Haruka closed the door behind her and locked it, leaning against the wood of the door and closing her eyes for a few seconds before she let out a heavy sigh and walked back into the living room, trying to ban the aqua haired woman from her thoughts. She didn't quite succeed though. 


	8. Talking About Haruka

Chapter 7: Talking About Haruka

„So how was it?" Takeshi spoke while he leaned back in his chair, looking up at the ceiling, the phone receiver penned between his shoulder and ear. "Pretty okay." Michiru replied, lying on her bed and looking at the silent actors and actresses on TV. "We talked some time, then drank coke together and then I left. She's not half as aggressive as you pictured her, Takeshi." Takeshi chuckled, though his chuckle sounded somehow fake – even over the phone. "Don't say that too early, Michiru…after all, she didn't throw a halfway filled whiskey bottle after you." "She did that to you?" Michiru asked, surprise in her voice. She really couldn't imagine Haruka to throw a whiskey bottle after someone – not the Haruka who always moved as if somebody would jump around the next corner and kill her, and whose eyes had been darting back and forth between her and the elevator, as if she expected it to open every moment and some horror would come out of it to attack her. "Yes she did. Two days ago." Takeshi replied. "She was drunk at that time…but now that I think about it, she was drunk every time I saw her. Maybe that's why I don't know how she is when she's sober…" "You should meet her when she's sober then." Michiru advised him, smiling slightly while thinking about the blonde she had met – and comparing her to the blonde Takeshi was describing. "She's completely different then." "Well, I hope that you never have to meet her when she's drunk." Takeshi said in reply, his voice showing that he meant every single word of what he just had said. "It's not…really pleasant. _She's _not really pleasant then." Michiru nodded, then realized that Takeshi couldn't see that, and spoke: "I can imagine. Most people aren't pleasant when they are drunk. Of course, there are some who get really silly and laugh about everything (A/N: Me! LOL), but most of them just turn into real assholes." Takeshi gasped at hearing the normally calm and polite social worker saying something like that, earning a giggle in reply. "Shocked?" Michiru asked, her amusement clearly showing through her voice. "Yeah, a little." Takeshi admitted before chuckling himself. "I think that's the first time I heard you use a swear word that's worse than shit." Michiru giggled again before she went back to her serious attitude. "Let's get back to our topic." She almost ordered, and the mechanic on the other end of the line gladly agreed. "Do you think that you have good chances when it comes to Haruka?" he asked, scratching the back of his head while he did. For one second, Michiru had the shocking – and irrational – thought that Takeshi had read her mind, and that he had seen the thoughts she had about Haruka ever since she had left the blondes apartment. Then, she realized what he meant. "In fact, yes. I think that she really wants to stop drinking, and if she gets the right help – which I hopefully can give to her – she will stay sober." "And do you think that she will stay sober? You know that there are people who make us believe that they made it, then suddenly have a relapse after two years…or three. Or even four." Takeshi reminded his friend, earning a small sigh in return. "I know, Takeshi, I know…but I don't think that Haruka is one of them. Right now, all that she is scared off are her memories – though I don't know what about them scares her so much that she wants to drink to forget them –, but when she lived with them for a while, she will realize that they can't hurt her anymore. And when she realizes this fast enough, she will stay sober." She almost added "I know what I'm talking about, since I went through the same", but then decided otherwise. Takeshi didn't know why she had been an alcoholic, and she didn't want him to know either. Normally, Michiru kept the reason for her alcoholism to herself – after all those years, it still hurt to think or talk about what had happened – and Haruka was one of the few persons who knew. She didn't know why she had told Haruka, but she knew that it had been the right thing to do. It had made the blonde trust her a little after all. "If you think so." Takeshi now spoke, still a slight hint of doubt in his voice. "Yes, I do. And time will show if I was right." Michiru replied, hoping that she could end the talk with that. Slowly, Takeshi's opinion about Haruka started to get on her nerves; maybe he didn't really like her, but he shouldn't speak about her as if she was nothing more than a huge loser. If Haruka ever heard him talking like that, it probably would send her into depression, and the depression would make her drink again. "Yep, time will show." Takeshi now spoke, his voice also showing that he wanted to end the call. "But I'm afraid that I have to hang up now, Michiru…Nami has been yelling for me for the last five minutes, and if I don't come now, she will think that you are my secret girlfriend or something like that." He laughed, and Michiru forced herself to laugh too; after all, Takeshi didn't know that she never had dated a man again after what her ex-boyfriend and his friends had done to her, and he never would find out. If somebody asked Michiru about her private life, she simply told them that she was single. After saying her goodbye to Takeshi and hanging up, Michiru crossed her arms behind her head and looked up at the ceiling. Sometimes she wondered if she would stay alone for the rest of her life, now that the man she had been dating six years ago had ruined her ability to trust a man again; and sometimes, other thoughts sneaked into her head, thoughts that her mother would have been very shocked about. Thoughts that were dealing with the fact that maybe, if she couldn't trust a man, she could try and trust a woman. _Say it like it is. _The Sherlock-Holmes-Voice demanded. _If you can't trust a man anymore, maybe you could try and trust Haruka. _Michiru sighed at the bluntness of her own mind and rolled her eyes. "That would be so cliché." She softly spoke to herself. "Young woman who was raped turns into lesbian." _Maybe you don't have to turn in one, maybe you have been one from the beginning on. _The SHV shot back. _Just remember what one of HIS friends said after he was done with you. _"No!" Michiru replied sharply, squeezing her eyes shut. "I will not remember what any of them said!" _Fine then. _The SHV sighed. _Better go back to your fantasies about a certain blonde, huh? _"Shut up." Michiru mumbled before closing her eyes and rolling over, ending up lying on her side. "Shut up and let me sleep." The SHV didn't reply anymore, and soon, Michiru drifted off into dreamland. 


	9. Bad Dream, Night Talk

Chapter 8: Bad Dream, Night Talk

_"You got what you wanted…now let me go. Please." _

_"Not yet, sweetie…I got what I wanted, true, but my best buds haven't."_

_"No…please. No." _

_"Clench your teeth and get over it, sweetie. It won't be that bad."_

"No!" Michiru sat up in her bed with thin rivers of sweat running down her pale face, her eyes wide and scared. Her heart hammered in her chest while her eyes shot through the bedroom, looking for men who weren't there. "No…" she repeated, still caught in her nightmare. "Don't do this to me, please…" Finally, she realized that she had been dreaming, that she wasn't lying on her ex-boyfriends bed anymore, and that his friends weren't just entering the room to "have a little fun", how they had called it. She let the breath she had been holding out in form of a long, desperate sounding wheeze, while for one second a thought flashed up in her mind. _Drink. _She immediately pushed the crazy idea away, like she always did, when a strange sound reached her ears and then her brain. It took her a few seconds to realize that it was the ringing of her phone. Frowning, the aqua haired woman checked the alarm clock that stood next to her bed – it showed that it was almost 3 AM – before she rolled over and picked the receiver up. "Hello?" "Did I wake you up?" At first, Michiru had no clue who was on the other end of the line – the low, husky voice seemed somehow familiar to her, but she couldn't put it in it's proper place. Then, it hit her. "Haruka? Is this you?" "Yes." The blonde softly replied before repeating what she had asked before. "Did I wake you up?" "No, don't worry." Michiru answered, glad that she didn't need to lie to the racer. "I just woke up one minute before the phone rang." What Haruka said next slightly surprised her, and she had to bite her lower lip to keep herself from screaming out "How do you know?!" "You had a nightmare, right?" the blonde softly asked, and her voice showed that she wouldn't believe Michiru if she said No now. And so, the aqua haired woman was honest. "Yes, I had a nightmare…how come you know?" Haruka let out a small chuckle. "I know what a person sounds like after she or he woke up from a nightmare, that's all." "I see." Michiru replied, although she didn't really know if Haruka was telling the truth – or if she was hiding something. "Well…what's the reason for your call, Haruka?" the aqua haired woman then asked, slightly wondering why Haruka would call her at such a time. "I had one too." Haruka replied, causing Michiru to frown – until she realized what the blonde meant: she had had a nightmare herself. "And…to keep myself from drinking…I decided to call you. Which probably wasn't such a good idea, now that I think about it…" "No, it's okay." The social worker quickly replied, running one hand through her long hair while she laid down again, looking up at the ceiling. "Like I told you, I was awake anyway…and even if not, you can call me anytime, like I promised." Haruka let out a small sigh, rubbing the bridge of her nose while she squeezed her eyes shut. "You should think about that once more before you promise it to me." She then spoke, the fingers of her free hand playing with a pack of matches that laid on the living room desk. "You see…I don't want to annoy you." "You're not annoying me, don't worry. So…what was your nightmare about?" Michiru tried to change the topic, hoping that Haruka would open up enough to her to tell her what she had been dreaming about. "About…something that happened when I was younger." The blonde replied, an answer that didn't really satisfy Michiru. "Haruka…" she softly spoke, praying that she wouldn't chase the racer away with what she would say next, "I hate to push you like that, but you need to tell me more than that if you really want me to help you." She waited for an answer, but all she heard was Harukas breathing. Then, after a few minutes of silence,  the blonde spoke up again, her voice soft and defeated. "I can't. I'm sorry." Michiru just opened her mouth to reply something when a loud click came through the line, followed by the beeping that signalled that the call was over. Letting out a sigh, the aqua haired woman hung up herself, knowing that she couldn't do much more for Haruka now. Anyone else probably would have tried to call the blonde back, but Michiru knew that Haruka either wouldn't answer the phone at all, or just answer it to hang up again only seconds later. Sighing once more, the aqua haired woman decided that she would deal with the blonde tomorrow; now all she wanted was a good share of sleep. No sooner thought that done, the social worker put the phone back in it's proper place and pulled the covers over herself. Only moments later, she was fast asleep, the only sound in the room being her slow, regular breathing.

While Michiru drifted off into dreamland, Haruka put the hand phone aside and looked down at the pack of matches she had been playing with during the phone talk with her social worker. Slowly, the blonde pushed the pack open and took one of the matches out. She placed it on the table carefully before opening the pack of cigarettes she had bought earlier that day – with the slight hope that smoking would distract her from the thoughts about alcohol – and took one of them out too, placing it firmly between her lips. Taking the match again, the blonde lit it and held it up to the cigarettes tip, taking a deep drag to light it. The smoke drifted down her windpipe and entered her lungs, causing her to cough heavily. She shook the match until the flame died out, then threw it into the glass ashtray she had bought along with the cigarettes. Leaning back in her couch, Haruka took another drag from the cigarette, closing her eyes and thinking about her nightmare. _Come up here, Ruka. I want to talk to you. I want to talk to you while you are very close to me. _"Never again." Haruka whispered to herself, coughing before taking another drag of her cancer stick. "Never again, you bastard." Quickly finishing her cigarette, the blonde rose from the couch and made her way over into the bedroom, hoping that she would find some more hours of sleep without being tormented by her dreams again. 


	10. Public Reactions

Chapter 9: Public Reactions

The next morning, Haruka woke up when her doorbell rang. She rubbed her eyes, wondering who would visit her at such a time – she didn't have any friends, and her family didn't know where she lived – before getting out of bed and putting on her dark blue morning robe. Slowly, the racer made her way over to the door, looking through the spy hole in the wood. A young man stood in the hallway, holding a notepad and a tape recorder. Frowning, Haruka unlocked the door and opened it, only to have a microphone shoved into her face the next second. "Mister Tenoh, is it true that you are an alcoholic?" the young man asked, and that was when Haruka saw the man holding the camera that stood a few steps behind him. The red light on the camera was on, signalling that it was filming – probably her. "No comment." She pressed out between clenched teeth, trying to close the door again. The reporter put his foot between the timber set and the door itself and repeated his question, ignoring her words. "Is it true that you are an alcoholic?" "I said no comment!" Haruka shot back, trying to keep her anger down, knowing that she probably would punch the reporter's glasses off if he didn't leave her alone now. She looked up, directly into the camera. "Stop filming!" the blonde commanded, though it didn't really impress the camera man; he just kept munching on his chewing gum and made sure that the racer was in the filming area of his tool. And that was what finally made Haruka snap. She firmly placed her right hand on the reporter's chest, waiting one second to see his eyes widen, and then she pushed. He stumbled backwards, fell over his own feet and landed on the cold tiled floor, yelping when his backside connected with the hard floor. The camera man took one step back in surprise, and that was all Haruka needed. She slammed the door close and locked it, leaning against the wood while the reporter came back to his feet and started pounding against the door. "I will sue you for that, you fucking booze addict!" he yelled, his anger clearly showing through his voice. "I'll see you in court, Tenoh!" "Fuck off!" Haruka yelled back, squeezing her eyes shut while the words of the reporter echoed through her mind. _Fucking booze addict! _She clenched her fists, just about to open the door again and smash the man's teeth in, when she heard the sound of quick footsteps on the tiles, walking away from her door. When she opened it again five minutes later, the hallway was empty. Slowly, Haruka closed the door again, squeezing her eyes shut to keep the tears from falling.

During the next five hours, the blonde racer found herself imprisoned in her own apartment. The reporter she had made fall down was just the first one in the long row that should follow; they seemed to appear out of nowhere to ring her doorbell, knock against the door or just to yell at the wood to make her come out. Her phone had been unplugged hours ago; it had been ringing non-stop, annoying her to no end. She knew that maybe Michiru would try to call her, but this was her smallest worry at the moment. Her doorbell rang once more, and Haruka let out a deep growl that would have scared anyone who heard it away. She marched over to the door, determined to yell at the reporter and threaten him until he would wet his pants, and opened it so forcefully that it nearly jumped out of it's hinges. "I said that I won't…" she started, but fell silent when she saw who stood in front of her. "Hey, Haruka." Michiru softly spoke, smiling at the blonde who just stood gaping and not able to say anything. "Mind if I come in?" the aqua haired woman now spoke, finally tearing Haruka out of her trance. The racer nodded and stepped aside, allowing her to enter. "Come in. Quick, before the friggin reporters show up again." Michiru quickly entered the apartment, and Haruka closed the door, locking it. "So the public found out about your problem?" the social worker asked while she followed Haruka into the living room, where both of them sat down. "Yeah, seems like it." The blonde sighed, leaning into the cushion of her couch. "The reporters have been bugging me since eight in the morning…I pushed the first one, and he fell, and now he wants to sue me." Michiru let out a strange snort and shook her head. "He won't sue you, believe me. He probably invaded your private space, otherwise you wouldn't have pushed him. No prosecutor of this world will let the lawsuit go to court." "I hope so." Haruka replied, a mischief glint suddenly filling her eyes – something Michiru never had seen before, but she liked it. "If he really sues me, I will sue him back for insulting me." "Oh? What did he say?" Michiru asked, leaning forward and putting her hands on her knees. "He called me a fucking booze addict." Haruka answered, her eyes darkening for a moment. Slowly, since she didn't want to scare the blonde with unexpected movements, Michiru reached out and took the racers hand into hers. "He was wrong." She softly spoke, making Haruka look at her with a slight frown. "When was the last time you drank alcohol, Haruka?" The blonde thought about this for a second – today was Thursday, so it meant that she hadn't been drinking for… "For three days." She finally spoke, surprised when she heard the words leave her mouth. It had seemed much longer to her, more like thirty days than three. "The first three days of a very long life." She softly added, her gaze falling down to her feet again. Michiru squeezed her hand, but she didn't look up. "That's right, Haruka. But like I said before…you have a lot of people around you who will help you." Suddenly, Haruka looked up again, her eyes meeting those of the aqua haired woman. "I know. And it's good to know that there are a lot of people who are willing to help. But what is even better to know is…" She trailed off, and Michiru gave her a questioning look, encouraging her to continue. "…that you are there to help me too." Haruka finally finished, blushing slightly – much to Michirus amusement. It was probably the first time that Haruka blushed in front of anyone, and that it was her made her more than happy. "I'm honoured to hear that, Haruka." She squeezed the blondes hand once more, and this time, Haruka surprised her once more – by returning the squeeze and slightly smiling at her. 


	11. Headlines And Headbutts

Chapter 10: Headlines And Headbutts

When Michiru had left after almost three hours of talking – and yelling at reporters through the closed door – Haruka had slightly calmed down. The rage that had been burning inside her, boiling like a volcano close to erupting, had died down to a small flame, but was ready to return to it's previous state if anyone should try anything that would annoy her. Haruka knew that the aggressions she felt probably came from the withdrawal she still was going through, and that they would vanish when her body had gotten used to the new situation, but still they felt strangely good. The next reporter who would dare to bug Haruka with his questions would have to pay dearly, although the blonde was aware of the fact that she really would end up in court if she beat a reporter to shit. Then, another thought hit her. _How come they know? Who told them about my alcoholism? Michiru? No. Takeshi? Probably not. Someone else from the racetrack? Possible. _Slowly, the flame of rage inside Haruka returned to the hot, searing fire, and she clenched her fists. "I pity the one who is responsible for this." She pressed out between gritted teeth, the nails of her fingers digging into the palms of her hands until they were close to bleeding. Letting out her trademark low growl, Haruka grabbed the keys of her private car, as well as her cigarettes and the lighter, and stormed out of the apartment, slamming the door close behind her.

Takeshi looked up in surprise when Harukas yellow sports car pulled up into the parking lot of the race track; while the blonde turned the engine off, the mechanic rose from the chair he had been sitting on, studying the blueprints of the newest car the team had received, and jogged over to Haruka, who just got out of the car. "Haruka! What are you…" Before he had the slightest chance to finish his sentence, Haruka had pushed him aside roughly, walking towards the garage where the mechanics were working. No, Takeshi thought to himself, walking was the wrong word. _Stomping _would be the better description. "Haruka!" Takeshi shouted, wondering if the blonde was drunk again, although she had seemed pretty sober to him in the moments he had managed to look at her. "Haruka, wait!" The mechanic called out once more, but his best racer didn't even turn around. Finally, Takeshi managed to catch up to the blonde, and he put one hand on her shoulder. "Haruka, what's wrong?" Instead of answering his question verbally, Haruka stopped her walk for one second to push a newspaper into the stunned mechanic's hands. Takeshi looked down on it, the headline almost jumping into his eyes. _Revelations: Star Racer Haruka Tenoh (28) is an alcoholic! _"Shit." The mechanic mumbled to himself while he carelessly threw the newspaper aside, hurrying to follow the blonde. He had a slight, not really pleasant idea of why Haruka was here, and he hoped that he would be able to stop the blonde from doing what she intended to do.

Three mechanics looked up in surprise when a very angered Haruka stormed into the garage, her feet thundering over the asphalt floor. The one who stood closest to her let out a scared yelp when suddenly the blondes hands closed around his collar and pulled him up until they were eye to eye. "Who told them?" Haruka pressed out between clenched teeth, her eyes blazing with anger. "What are you…talking about?" the mechanic who was in her grasp asked, his voice shaking with fear. "I want to know who told the fucking newspapers that I'm an alcoholic!" Haruka shouted, shaking the poor man until he was close to wetting his pants in fear. "I don't know! It wasn't me!" the mechanic cried out, hoping and praying that Haruka would believe him. The blonde was just about to ask  - or probably shout – something elsewhen suddenly one of the other two mechanics let out a scared little yelp, dropped the screwdriver he had been holding and started to run. Haruka looked after him, letting out a growl once more, before she let go of the man who had been in her grasp and started to chase after the fleeing mechanic. After a short run, the blonde had caught up to the man; she tackled him like a football player would tackle his opponent, sending him to the ground and landing on top of him. Surprisingly quick, Haruka grabbed the man's collar and flipped him around, making him lie on his back, before she jerked his head up to herself and brought her own one down. Her forehead connected with the man's nose, producing a horrible cracking noise when it broke. The mechanic screamed in pain, his eyes filling with tears, while Haruka let go of his collar, letting his head fall back on the concrete floor. "Haruka!" Takeshi's voice came, sounding – amazingly enough – angered and pleading at the same time. "Haruka, leave him alone!" "He told them!" Haruka shouted in reply, pulling her fist back to punch the mechanic's light out, who let out a small whimper and brought his hands up to shield his face. Takeshi reached the two and put one hand on Harukas shoulder. "Even if he did, hitting him won't help." He softly spoke, trying to calm the blonde down. "Leave him alone, Haruka." Haruka squeezed her eyes shut, trying to fight her anger down. "Do you know what he did to me by telling the newspapers about me?" she then spoke, looking up to meet Takeshi's face. "I haven't had a single calm minute ever since eight in the morning! The reporters are almost camping in front of my apartment!" "If it is that way, I'm sorry, Haruka. But beating the shit out of him won't make them stop!" Finally, Haruka slowly rose from her victim, staring down at him with hate in her eyes. She took one step back, allowing the mechanic to stand up. Slowly, the man came to his feet, holding his bleeding nose while he fearfully looked at Haruka, who just glared back at him. Then, her eyes suddenly softened visibly, and she asked: "Why? Just tell me why." "They…they paid a lot." The mechanic stammered out, looking down on his feet. "I'm sorry." He then added, daring to look up again. Haruka just shook her head and turned her back on him. "Go see a doctor." Takeshi ordered the man while putting one arm around the blondes shoulders. "We will talk about the consequences of your behaviour later." The mechanic nodded and hurried off while Takeshi started to lead Haruka over into his office, hoping that he would calm her down enough to keep her from attacking the next best person she saw. "Come on, Haruka. We'll talk about this and find a solution." He softly spoke. Haruka slowly nodded, staring down on the floor while she walked next to Takeshi, and trying to fight down her desire for a nice glass of whiskey. 


End file.
